Free Fall 2: Breathing Evenly
by anyaP3
Summary: Five years have passed since Marc and Kay last saw each other. Marc spent that time finally learning to breathe evenly, discovering who he is and what he wants. But is it too late to fix what he'd broken? (Inspired by the Free Fall 2 teaser videos)


The drive from Munich to Ludwigsburg take two and a half hours, which means he won't be able to see Lukas as often as he likes. Bettina had assured him it's an amazing opportunity he shouldn't pass up. Lukas is getting older, she'd reasoned, which would make weekend trips to Munich and back easier for them both. Her encouragement had sealed the deal.

Mark accepted the offer to build and command a second police riot control unit in Munich. He'd never get a promotion like that in Ludwigsburg.

That weekend he relocates to the city he knows Kay's been stationed in for the past few years.

On his first day, Erich Schmidt, the director of the riot control department and his new boss, introduces him to the members of the current riot control unit; Kay's unit.

Marc is keenly aware of Kay's initial shock at seeing him. But true to form, Kay manages to keep his cool.

At the end of the workday, Marc waits for him outside the station entrance, smoking in the shadows. The similarity to a previous encounter between them isn't lost on him, as he plays in his mind the day he'd waited in the shadows when Kay returned late to the academy, all those years ago.

Within several minutes Kay appears, coat and backpack on, heading home for the night. Marc steps out of the shadows and says, just loud enough for Kay to hear, "It's good to see you". Kay stops in his tracks, eyes Marc curiously for a moment and quips, "What are you doing here?"

Marc takes a long drag of his cigarette and responds calmly, "It was time for a change; a big city, a new challenge. This job came along and seemed like the right opportunity..."

Kay holds his gaze for a moment, then asks, "Did you know I'd be here?"

Marc thinks he hears a note of cynicism but ignores it. He replies, "You mean, did I come looking for you? I didn't. But I knew you were here."

Kay's expression is tense, as he lets out a quiet "mmhmm"

He then exhales and takes Marc in more closely, "You look the same. You haven't changed."

Marc isn't sure it's a compliment, but he mutters a quick "thanks".

Then abruptly, Kay's features mold into a determined expression and he snaps, "anyway, I have to run. See you around." He begins walking away.

Marc is caught by surprise by the sudden transition, but regains his composure quickly and says what he'd wanted to say in the first place, "Hold on a sec, do you think we can we talk? Tomorrow night maybe? I'd like to clear the air between us. There are a few things I want to say. I…I want us to be able to work together properly, without baggage."

Kay had stood in place and glanced back as Marc spoke.

He looks him over, considers quickly and says, "Tomorrow doesn't work for me. Saturday. Café Bla on Lilienstrasse, 8:00 pm."

Café Bla, Saturday Evening

Kay is sitting on a tall boy, looking out the window, waiting for Marc. He must admit, he's curious to hear what Marc has to say to him after all these years. He can't ignore that seeing him again has had an impact. He's felt distracted these past few days. Marc's arrival took him back to the anger, the hurt, the disappointment, and also to the moments of pure ecstasy they'd shared. He even found himself falling down that old rabbit hole in his mind of "what ifs…" He'd played that game a lot the first year after he left. It wasn't productive so he cut it off as soon as it started.

A few minutes later, Marc walks in purposefully, looking eager. He looks like a man with a plan. He notices Kay is already nursing a coffee, so quickly orders one too and makes his way to Kay's table.

Kay turns slightly in his seat to face him, a neutral expression on his face.

Marc, as he takes a seat across from him and says, "Hi"

Kay nods and waits.

Marc continues "thanks for meeting me…"

He pauses to take a sip of his coffee and focus his thoughts. He realizes he's stalling, unsure how to begin. Kay keeps looking at him silently, waiting. The tension is palpable.

"It's still strange to see you sitting here. I'd imagined it so many times …" Marc begins.

Kay raises an eyebrow, intrigued but still maintaining an air of detachment.

Marc continues, "the first thing I need to say is that I'm sorry for how I treated you in Ludwigsburg. I was dealing with so much shit while fighting my feelings for you. I never considered your side, never thought about how hard I made it for you."

Marc pauses, takes a deep breath and adds softly, "I knew it wasn't right even then, but I couldn't stop. I was stuck in my own head and couldn't see anything else. But I never wanted to be such a dick to you, Kay. You deserved so much better."

He looks squarely at Kay as he speaks, trying to gauge his reaction. Thoughts race through his mind: 'Does he care? Is he even interested?'

Kay's brow softens slightly at hearing Marc's apology. It's way too late for it to make a difference, but it's still nice to hear. He nods almost imperceptibly, prompting Marc to keep going.

Marc takes another sip of coffee before saying, "The second thing I need to say is thank you."

It's evident from Kay's expression that this catches him off guard. Marc gives him a small smile and continues, "I fought you every step of the way because you were forcing me to face parts of myself I'd couldn't accept, things I needed to stay buried. I don't know if I'd ever have had the courage to accept them if it weren't for you.

Wanting you like I did forced me to think about who I was and what I really wanted. Back then I cursed you for it, blamed you for ruining my life. Part of me hated you for it. Hated you because I couldn't stay away from you."

Kay's eyes lock onto his, but Marc manages to finish his thought, "It took me a long time to realize how badly I needed it. Needed you."

His eyes shift down and his voice trails off towards the end of the speech. He's planned and rehearsed it many times, but Kay's magnetic presence was never there during rehearsals. He existed only in Marc's head. Now the real Kay was sitting across from him, looking at him intently, mulling over what he'd been saying. It made Marc lose some of his self- assurance.

Kay's expression is unreadable for a minute and Marc waits, almost holding his breath, unsure of what reaction he'd get. Then a small sexy, cocky grin emerges, the same one Marc had seen so many times in his dreams over the years, as Kay says: "I'm pretty sure that's the most words you've said to me in all the time we'd spent together."

He chuckles lightly and gets up from his seat, drawing closer to Marc, and Marc suddenly realizes Kay is coming in for a hug. Kay's hug is open, friendly, signifying the initial anxiety and stress of seeing each other has passed. The ice has been broken.

"It's nice to see you Marc." He says in a warmer tone.

Kay takes another long look at Marc and adds, "the other day I said you hadn't changed at all. Maybe I was wrong. Now that I got a closer look, I can see you're more present, more confident, less cagy. It looks good on you."

Marc's sigh of relief is almost audible. His goal had been to get through his speech but had no idea what to expect after that. Would Kay storm off? Brush him off? Mock him? Kiss him? The last option was one of the fantasies he'd harbored, though he never truly expected it to happen. A friendly hug was not something he'd ever considered. He's not dissatisfied with it though; it's definitely a positive development.

Kay doesn't sit back down after their hug. He remains standing, and Marc worries he's about to leave, so he quickly says, in what he hopes is a light tone, "so why don't you talk a little now? Fill me in on the last 5 years of your life."

Kay flashes him a cautious but genuine smile as he nods, "let's get out of here. We can walk around, take in the city while we talk."

Marc does his best to maintain a neutral expression, but inside he's feeling a rush of excitement knowing the evening hasn't come to a short end. They bundle up in their coats and walk out of the café. The pair fall into a comfortable rhythm walking side by side in the cold night air.

A moment later Kay begins, "Let's see, I've been in Munich for almost 5 years and I love it. It's home now. Work's been good, challenging. It's a much less toxic environment than Ludwigsburg. Fewer narrow-minded homophobic pricks around."

He sneaks a look at Marc as he says this, gauging Marc's comfort level with the topic.

Marc asks curiously, "does everybody at work know about you?"

Kay turns to hold his gaze, and explains, "I'm not hiding anything, Marc. What you see is what you get. I could give two shits about other people's prejudices."

Marc nods silently, taking in how strong and honest Kay is. Has always been. He silently admits to himself that even with the years that have passed and the long way he'd come in accepting his preferences, he's still not as comfortable in his own skin as Kay.

Kay continues, "everyone in my unit knows Jan, my boyfriend, so there are no secrets. Actually, I think they might like him better than they like me" he adds with an amused grin.

Marc had prepared for this situation, of course, Kay being involved with someone. He knew there was a very slim chance an attractive, sexy, confident guy like Kay would've stayed single long. But hearing it is still the punch in the gut he knew it would be.

Jan. The name alone grated on him.

"Tell me about Jan," he adds quietly, taking pains not to allow the irrational pangs of jealousy he knew he had no right to feel seep through.

Kay smiles. "he's a literature lecturer at LMU. He's a good guy, super smart, witty, with a dorky sense of humor. And a phenomenal cook. We met at a party 2.5 years ago and have been together since. Living together for the past 2 years. It's good. It's real. It's a nice life."

Kay sneaks a curious look at Marc as he talks, gauging for a reaction. It's strange to discuss Jan with Marc. A bit surreal. But he's trying to prevent it from being too awkward. Marc isn't a bad guy, and judging by his behavior so far, he really seems to have matured and chilled in the last 5 years. Innately, Kay understands that tonight, this conversation Marc wanted, will define the type of relationship they develop moving forward. They either get through the awkwardness and figure out how to co-exist in the same city and the same workplace. Otherwise, the awkwardness could fester and make it uncomfortable to work together, and maybe even allow their baggage to interfere with the rest of the unit.

Jan sounds very different from who Marc would've expected Kay to end up with.

"No more clubbing for you, then? You stay home streaming Netflix nowadays?" He asks with a grin.

Kay laughs, "let's say clubbing isn't a part of my day to day anymore. Sometimes, when I need to take a breath, I indulge, but probably no more than a few times a year."

They've reached a promenade with a gorgeous view of the city skyline and stop to take it in. Standing side by side, both hold onto the concrete railing in front of them, the wind gusting.

Kay turns to face Marc and asks, "how about you? What've you been up to?"

Then adds softly, "are Bettina and Lukas with you in Munich?"

Marc shakes his head slowly as he locks eyes on Kay's: "I broke up with Bettina the day after you left. The moment I realized you were gone; I knew she and I had nothing left to hold onto."

Kay is taken aback. He hadn't expected this. All these years, he'd thought Marc had chosen his old, safe life, that of a traditional family man. But if he hadn't stayed with Bettina either, why had he broken it off with him? Everything Marc's said that evening rushes back as Kay tries to piece together what Marc is telling him.

He left him, then he left Bettina. He apologized for how he'd treated him, and a second later had thanked him for forcing him to face who he was and what he wanted…

The only conclusion Kay can come up with is that Marc had realized he hadn't wanted either of them. Is that what he's saying? Thanks for helping me understand I wanted more than you or Bettina could offer me?

Scheisse, this happened 5 years ago. Why the hell does it still hurt so damn much? I shouldn't even care.

Oblivious to Kay's confusion, Marc goes on, "Lukas and Bettina live in Stuttgart and I spend as much time as I can with him. I visit twice a week and get him every other weekend. He's 5 now, and so smart!"

Marc gushes as he lifts his phone to show Kay a picture of an adorable 5-year-old laughing at the camera, looking like a happy, carefree little version of Marc.

Kay smiles softly, "he's beautiful."

Looking a little crestfallen, Mark adds, "unfortunately, I'll get to spend less time with him with the move, but Bettina encouraged me to go. I'd never get an opportunity like this in Ludwigsburg."

Kay nods thoughtfully, "congratulations Marc. It's quite a promotion. You must've really impressed them."

Mark nods modestly and thanks him.

Kay can't help but ask, "do you have someone in your life, Marc? A woman? A man?"

Marc pauses as his gaze travels up Kay's figure and focuses on his clear blue eyes.

"I'm a free agent," he murmurs. "Lukas, and through him, Bettina, are my only attachments. I've dated people over the years, but nothing ever got very serious. Not since us."

Marc's gaze bores into Kay, unsettling him. And Marc's words are pissing him off. "Us?" Kay hisses, "we were serious?"

Sensing Kay's annoyance, Marc holds his gaze defiantly, "to me we were. It may have been a blip on your radar, but it turned my entire life upside down. I haven't felt that much for anyone since."

Kay's handsome features harden as he shakes his head, obviously frustrated, "everything is so difficult with you, Marc. Still after all this time. I never know what you mean, even now that you're finally talking. You're still vague and not making sense!

You show up here after 5 years and tell me you never found anyone else after dumping me, sending me packing. You say you walked away from Bettina after you lost me. You admit you've known I was in Munich all this time, but never reached out, never tried to find me.

What the hell are you doing here now, Marc? What do you want from me?"

Kay's agitation is surprising, but on some level, Marc welcomes it. He wouldn't get upset if he didn't still care, right? Without overthinking it, Marc decides to take a risk. He raises his arm and places it on Kay's shoulder. The blonde flinches initially and looks at Marc's hand on his arm, then turns to gaze into his face, searching for answers.

Marc speaks quietly but firmly, "I'm not here to fuck up your life, Kay. I came here for the job. But as I said, I knew you were here, and I won't pretend that didn't sway my decision too."

He continues to hold Kay's gaze.

"You talked about not living with secrets and I respect that. I made the same decision when you left. When I realized what I'd pushed away because I was too much of a pussy to admit how much I wanted it."

Kay's eyes shut when he hears Marc's last sentence.

"I'm a very different person today. I'm not that selfish kid trying to please everyone around him. I'm not running away from the truth, or from making hard decisions.

But 5 years ago, I wasn't ready for any of that. My world had just shattered, and I had to confront the fact that I wasn't who I'd thought I was, who my family and friends had believed I was.

It was lot to deal with, Kay; a full-blown identity crisis. I needed to sort myself out before I would have anything to offer you…or anyone else for that matter."

Marc's eyes and voice soften as he takes a step towards Kay and places both arms on the blonde's shoulders.

"I wanted to look for you more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life. I was devastated when you left. But I forced myself not to go after you. You deserved so much more than what I could give you. For once, I knew I had to think of you and not just follow my own whims and desires. I needed to stay the fuck away from you until I would no longer run the risk of hurting you again."

The force of Marc's conviction and the tenderness of his admission leave Kay speechless. All he knows for certain is that while Marc may not have come here with the intention of fucking up his life, the emotions raging inside him may very well do it for him.

Without words, Marc takes Kay in his arms. Kay's head finds Marc's strong shoulder, and he lets Marc hold him as he breathes in his still familiar scent and this intoxicating newfound strength Marc crashed back into his life possessing. They remain this way for what feels like a very long time, until Kay separates from him. He takes a small step back, shielding himself from the stark intimacy he never expected.

"What do you want from me, Marc?" Kay's voice sounds wrought, unsure.

Marc remains silent, as he searches for the right words. Honest but not threatening to Kay tonight. He knows he must be careful not to push him too far too soon.

"I want to be colleagues, first and foremost. And maybe friends? Honestly, I don't have any expectations. I'll take whatever you're willing to give."

Kay is relieved by this. He hadn't quite known how tonight would go, but the way the evening played out has knocked him on his proverbial ass. So many revelations, admissions, apologies, so many misconceptions cleared up. He was physically and emotionally drained. He needed to get away from Marc, step back into his real life and process it all.

Kay puts his hands in his coat pockets and sighs, then turns to Marc and says, "colleagues, yes, of course. We won't have issues professionally. The rest - I need time to think; sort it out for myself. This conversation…seeing you again…it's a lot Marc."

Marc nods.

Kay lights a cigarette, and with one final look at Marc, says, "I'll see you."

Marc feels the temperature drop as he watches him walk away.


End file.
